Ways Your Postpartum Village Can Help
Last week we talked about a “postpartum village” and how to activate or find your village. It takes a village to raise a child, but it also takes a village to help a mama raise a child. The postpartum period is a challenging time, and we’re making a push to change the way women spend their postpartum time. As a society, we tend to turn our heads while mothers struggle alone. This might not even be intentional, but because of a lack of education. Often, we don’t know how to help a new mother, or we are afraid to ask how we can help. After all, we don’t want to assume she doesn’t have it all together, right?
We’re here to say that there’s always a way you can help a mom during the postpartum period. And if you’re a new mom, you probably already have a few ideas of how people can help you. In this post, we’re listing some of the best ways that your village can help you during the postpartum period. So when someone asks you, “how can I help?” you’re ready with a list of ways that they can. Feeling shy or embarrassed to accept help? Make sure you’ve read our last post. Because guess what, mama? Your village loves you and truly does want to help. Do both of them, yourself, and your baby a favor--and let them.
So, without further ado, here’s our list:
Cooking or Sending Meals
Food, food, food. This might be one of the very first things you need after giving birth, and one of the first ways that you postpartum village can help you. In our last post, we talked about pairing members of our village with favors that fall in line with their own skills or interests. For example, if your mother-in-law or one of your friends loves to cook--ask them to cook for you! They will be happy to use their talents to nourish you during this super important time in your life.
Meal-prepping is a great suggestion, as well. You can ask someone to make a giant meal and portion it out for several days or even a week’s worth of meals for you and your spouse, who likely isn’t sleeping well, either. Having meals lined up takes a big load off of your ‘plate’ and lets you relax as much as possible. You have a new baby to focus on! Cooking might not exactly be ‘on the table’ right now.
If you don’t have friends that cook, or they’re too busy, there’s nothing wrong with sending meals via delivery! There are great apps like UberEats, DoorDash, and Grubhub. Friends and family can send gift cards or order meals to your door from local restaurants that you love. This is great to remember when you have a friend in their postpartum period, as well. If you want to help, but don’t want to (or can’t visit due to COVID-19) cook or intrude on their space, send a meal delivery gift card! Trust us, it will get used.
Cleaning Your House
Some of us have no shame in asking people to clean our house. Or at least help clean up clutter--especially if you already have younger kids running around. Only you know your village and what they’re good at and like to do, so if you feel comfortable asking, ask! House cleaning is one of the biggest things that will need done during the postpartum period, and one of the last things you’ll have the energy for.
That being said, it’s important. We’re listing it second only to meals, because you definitely need nutrients and strength during the time. But along with that, you need a peaceful environment. A pile of laundry, dishes, toys laying around, etc. all lead to unnecessary stress. We believe fully that a nice environment can help you and baby feel more calm, more relaxed. You don’t want to feel guilty or uncomfortable when you’re needing to focus on taking care of your newborn. So don’t hesitate to ask for help cleaning. You need it and you deserve it.
Babysitting
“Babysitting” can mean several different things. If you’re in your postpartum period after your first child, then you don’t have any other children to babysit. Babysitting a newborn can look however you want it to. If you’re not ready to leave the baby alone with someone else, just asking someone to hold the baby while you do something else can be a huge help. As a new mom, you’ll be surprised at how many things you can’t do while holding a baby! Showering, for one.
Oftentimes, you’ll want to take a lot of showers and baths during the postpartum period. You’ll need time to practice self-care with our postpartum sitz bath, a nice candle. Sometimes just being alone in the bathroom is all you need to catch your breath and feel refreshed. It’s important to make time for things like that, so asking members of your village to help you make that time is imperative.
If you do have older children, you might want to enlist help to keep them entertained or let them get some space, as well. Having a new sibling can impact older kids differently, but for the most part, they’re a little like you--and will want a break. Letting a family member, friend, or any member of your postpartum village take your child to the park, play with them in their room or in your yard, can be a big help. You might not be feeling up to playing, and there’s a special kind of mom guilt that can come along with that. Your village is not only there to help you, but your entire family. Helping make the transition for your older child can be a great way for your postpartum village to help!
Doing Chores / Running Errands
Not everyone has access to InstaCart or Amazon, and even so--they can’t do everything. You’ll likely find that there are errands that you need help with. Maybe it’s going to the post office, returning library books, picking up groceries, or prescriptions from the pharmacy.
These are all things you can enlist your postpartum village for help with. Running errands can be challenging, particularly in the first few weeks when you’re still sore and healing--whether from a vaginal birth or a C-section. Additionally, it can be overwhelming for new moms to travel with a newborn, especially for a short trip. On top of that, we have a pandemic going on, right? You might not want to leave the house at all! Call on your postpartum village for help with any and all errands, if possible.
Keeping You Company
As we already said, the postpartum period can be lonely. You have a lot on your mind, a lot of worries, a big birth story that you want and need to process. . . all of these can have you yearning for communication and connection. Call on your postpartum village simply to keep you company. Ask or invite someone to come over, sit with you, see the baby. This in itself doesn’t even feel like a “favor,” because who doesn’t want to be in the presence of a beautiful newborn baby?
Chances are, everyone in your postpartum village will be jumping at the chance to visit you and the baby. When you feel ready and comfortable, invite your friends and family over. Maybe even one at a time, if social distancing is a concern for you or any of your loved ones. Spreading out the visits can also get you more visits overall without overwhelming you and baby. You also won’t have to feel like you’re hosting if you have people over in small groups or one-on-one.
Having members of your village over can also be combined with “babysitting,” as you’ll be able to hand over your little one and stretch your arms a bit. That’s something you don’t hear too often, but carrying and holding your baby all the time can really make your arms sore! Stretch, stand up, move around. Going for walks and pushing your baby in a stroller can also help straighten out your posture and lead to faster healing and recovery. Going on a walk with a member of your village can be healing both inside and out, allowing you to express yourself emotionally and socially, as well as get your blood pumping physically.
Having a postpartum village to support you through the fresh baby days is incredibly helpful and important. We’re huge advocates of women finding and activating their own villages, as well as “passing it on” and being a part of another mama’s village. Take everything you’ve read from this article and don’t be afraid to ask for it. Additionally, use this as a guide for things to offer to other mamas going through their postpartum time.
As women, we are all connected by labor and birth, the continuation of life. We can help each other continue life postpartum, as well. We are stronger together.