Why Moms Should Take Care of Themselves First -- And Where to Start

Putting your self-care first sounds crazy. That’s like, the opposite of what we’re told to do as moms. We’re supposed to sacrifice, give, step aside, and put ourselves second. That’s what moms do, right? We put our kids first. 

But for how long? And what happens to us during those years of being “second?” Moms: we want to remind you that it’s okay to be a person ALONG with being a mom. In fact, you can be both. Parenting cannot exist without self-care, because you are just as important to your family as your kids are. A family is a unit that functions as a whole, and when any one part of it is not moving or working as it was designed, then the family unit isn’t seeing its full potential. Kids want a whole mom. They want you. 

By caring for yourself first, you’re caring for your family. This is true in many ways, so we’ve broken them down to three main reasons:

1. How you treat yourself sets an example for your kids.

This is 100% true. They say that we should always treat people the way you would want to be treated, and that goes for yourself, too. The way you treat yourself shows your children how they should treat themselves. If you’re overworked, have unhealthy habits, or have negative self-talk, you’re showing your kids that’s okay.

Imagine one day your child is late doing a homework assignment, and you have to help them do it last minute one morning. You might skip breakfast or make a small personal sacrifice to help your child in this instance. While skipping a meal is a relatively minor thing, it does mean something. That sacrifice becomes a double-headed coin. On one end, you’re doing a good thing by putting your kids first. We all want to raise humble, helpful, self-less kids. Or do we? Is self-less always the best thing to strive for? How do we practice self-care if we’re self-less? Because on the other hand, we want to teach our kids to have boundaries. We want to have boundaries ourselves, too. Boundaries tell us when to:

• take a break

• say “no”

• re-adjust our priorities

In short, boundaries help us protect ourselves. We want our kids to be strong and have great senses of self. Growing up, they need to know how to say “no” to things that don’t serve them. So--when they see you helping others (good) by sacrificing your basic self-needs, be wary of what they might be observing. Knowing when to self-preserve is equally as important as knowing how to be helpful. So, when we prioritize self-care, we’re being GREAT parents and models to our kids. 

2. Self-care helps you be the best version of yourself.

“Be the best you can be” might sound cheesy, but it’s true. As a new mom, or a mom in general, the ability to take care of yourself is a must. We don’t just *become* the best versions of ourselves without working toward it daily. Self-care literally means working on yourself. So whether that means working on reaching career goals, hobbies, side projects, physical health, fitness goals, etc. These things can all be self-care, and without them, it’s hard to find purpose and feel motivation. 

Self-care for moms can also mean smaller things: like being educated on the postpartum problems and what’s happening in our world that affects us. Get started with our weekly newsletter. Self-care can mean being prepared with natural, organic products that are gentle for both you and your baby. Self-care can mean going that extra step to thank your body for what it's done in bringing your baby into the world. You are amazing, mama! A little self care truly can make a difference, and help you be the best version of yourself. And while it might sound selfish, it’s not. When you’re the best version of yourself, your family gets to feel and see that, too.

So in a way, you can’t put “self-care before parenting” or “yourself before your kids.” It’s all the same. Your self-care, the love you pour into yourself, will end up feeding into the way you speak, interact with your kids, your mood, your attitude, and everything else in your daily life. So in absolutely every sense of it, self-care is caring for your kids. 

3. Self-care optimizes your body for handling stress

This is just another example of being the best version of yourself, but with more of a physical focus. When you eat right, exercise, and take care of your health, your body can better handle stress. And from what we’ve experienced at least, motherhood can be stressful. Heck, life in general can be stressful! When our bodies are well-fed, well-oiled, etc., they are taken care of and unhindered. 

So when you have a sleepless night (ah!) your body can bounce back easier if you’re eating healthy, well-balanced meals. Doing yoga and staying stretched and having good posture can help with the shoulder and neck pains associated with breastfeeding. When your body is fit, it can handle a lot of the extra wear and tear that happens when you’re a mom. 

“When I had my second kid, I felt too overwhelmed to exercise. I remember feeling much much more tired than with my first. I thought maybe it was just normal with it being my second child and all. But when I thought about it and talked to some other moms, I realized that I’ve just not been getting up and leaving the house as much anymore. COVID-19 played a big role in that, too, because it’s not like we can just go to the park. Anyway, when I started reading more blogs like CODDLE about postpartum health and recovery, I realized that I needed to MOVE my body more. So we’ve been doing yoga and I’m feeling much better. Thanks, CODDLE!”

Where to Start

If you already know you need some self-care, we recommend our relaxing Lavender massage oil. Whether you’re pregnant or not, this amazing essential oil will make you feel extra calm and at ease. It’s almost literally self-care in a bottle!

In fact, taking care of your body is a great place to start. Massage oil, relaxing baths, quiet time when possible, a nice scented candle. These are all ways to enjoy some self-care at home. 

Eat: You may be eager to return to your pre-baby shape, but remember your body needs extra calories and nutrients to breastfeed. Even if you’re not breast feeding childbirth depletes your nutrients, which means you need to be even more considerate of what you eat. Be gentle with yourself and focus on eating wholesome food. Check out guide of what foods to eat postpartum here

Drink water: This may seem like an obvious one, but many moms are so busy they forget to stay hydrated. Try putting lemon or cucumber slices in your water to add some variety. Always carry a water bottle with you.

Sleep: Plan one day a week to sleep in while a family member takes care of your baby. Try to sync your sleep to your baby’s to compensate for all the night feedings. Use an app like Relax Melodies, which provides ambient sound to help you fall asleep faster. Buy a comfortable sleep bra with easy nursing access and breast pads to protect you from sleep-disrupting leaks. Some nursing moms may find they get better rest co-sleeping so they can feed on demand without getting up (always use safe-sleeping practices).

Exercise: exercising can fill your days with more energy and enthusiasm. If going to the gym isn’t an option, try going for a walk or jog with a jogging stroller, bike with your baby, or find a local “mommy and me” exercise class. Online workouts are a great option for in-home fitness. Just remember to start slowly.

Using a Sauna: If you’ve ever gone to a spa or used a sauna, you already know that it’s one of the best ways to detox, relax, and take care of your mind/body/spirit. Not all saunas are inside fancy spas, however. Check your local gyms or fitness centers to see if they have one you could use! Don’t have the bandwidth or availability to get away from the house regularly? We feel you. Try an HD Infrared Sauna Blanket that you can use at home or even while traveling! They have all the same effects as a regular sauna, but you get to own it and use it whenever you want. These sauna blankets have mood-heightening qualities that help boost dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, etc. Self - care also mean going the extra mile to thank your body for what it's done in bringing your baby into the world.".

These all excellent advice for postpartum moms looking for ways to do self-care. Now that we’ve discussed reasons it’s okay to put self-care before parenting, and a little bit about where to start: we want to hear from you. Tell us about a time when you “chose self-care” and put your family second, to save your sanity? DM us on Instagram to have your story featured!