5 False Assumptions about Motherhood

At some point we all make false assumptions about motherhood. Even before you became a mother, you had a fixed assumption of what your version of motherhood would be like. You may have fantasized about how cute and perfect your kids would be, and you likely made promises to yourself on how to make motherhood a walk in the park.

So now that you’re a mom. . . how did that work out for you? LOL! 

Now that we’ve been through it and realize just how challenging (yet rewarding) motherhood truly is, it’s easy to see past the assumptions that we once made. But that doesn’t stop the rest of the world from still holding some of those assumptions.

We’re here to address some of the most common things people assume about motherhood, why they may think that, and what the reality of it is actually like. Kind of like Instagram vs. Reality: Motherhood Edition.

Are you ready? Let’s go:

Motherhood Assumption #1: It comes naturally.

Being a mother might not always come naturally or easily, but it doesn’t mean you don’t have what it takes.

Mothers are, well … motherly. They’re effortlessly patient, affectionate and nurturing, and it all comes naturally from a place deep inside. Right? At least that’s the world’s perception of what it takes to be a mother—a good one anyway. But it’s not always true. Not every mother feels like a natural mom. Some of us weren’t born with the same deep maternal instincts that help us cherish every moment and never doubt our abilities as parents. Not every woman who becomes a mother feels like she was absolutely destined to be one. Some moms have to work a bit harder to embrace motherhood and all of its constant demands.

And while it might mean that all our journeys as parents don’t look exactly the same, it’s not necessarily a bad thing. It doesn’t make you any less of a mom to admit that being one is harder than you thought or more difficult than you would like it to be. It doesn’t make you a bad parent to admit that the joy you get from parenting doesn’t always radiate from your body. It doesn’t mean you aren’t a real mother if being a mom doesn’t complete you like you imagine it does for others.

Still, for a mother to say these things, to admit she doesn’t always love being a parent, is something women get conditioned not to do, no matter how hard parenting can be. If you even hint that you dislike being pregnant, are having a hard time dealing with sleepless nights during a fussy baby’s infancy, or don’t enjoy playing make-believe with your child, someone will jump to tell you to enjoy your children more. I mean, isn’t enjoying your children why you had them in the first place? What kind of mother are you if these things don’t come instinctively?

But they don’t always come freely for every mother, and that’s okay. No two mothers are alike or should be alike. Besides, the range of emotions involved in parenting can be vast and overwhelming. In just one hour, we can go from joyful and care-free to angry and depleted. Our kids sometimes push us to our limits, demand more from us than we have to give, and love us so hard it hurts. Some of us are just built for the emotions involved in mothering, but some of us have to work hard to not let them get the best of us.

By Sarah Bregel via Calm4Kids

Motherhood Assumption #2: Friendships take a backseat to your new family.

Moms need friendships to stay sane - particularly mom friends! While it’s very easy to isolate and get caught up in your own responsibilities as a parent, it’s super important to make time for friendships of your own. Daily Mom puts it perfectly in one of their articles about having mom friends:

“Friendships have actually been proven to increase one’s lifespan. In a study that followed 1,500 elderly people for 10 years, it was found that those with a large group of friends were 22% less likely to die during that decade. The reality is that friends are with you for more than just the happy times. True friendship means supporting one another through thick and thin, which includes the rough patches of life as well. That support goes a long way in increasing one’s purpose and sense of belonging.

Moms get it. They get the sleepless nights. They get the picky eaters. They get the 35 minutes it takes between the request to put shoes on and the shoes actually being put on. They get the whining, the fighting, the sticky chair backs, the spaghetti hair, and the need for tagless shirts. Moms get it. They get it all so well that mom friends are even able to read your mood and respond appropriately to your vent sessions. They know whether to reply with advice, empathy, or by showing up at your door with cupcakes.

No judgement. Because fellow moms are currently living in the trenches of dirty diapers, bath haters, and toddler tantrums, they know that your decisions are the best that you can make for the tiny human in your life. Because they’ve been there and done that, they are there to sympathize and share a glass of vino long before they toss out advice and give you the eyebrow of judgement.”

via Daily Mom

Motherhood Assumption #3: Stay-at-Home Moms are less intelligent and less motivated.

FALSE, FALSE, AND FALSE. As women, we should all celebrate the freedom of choice that comes with mothering in our society. Want to stay at home? Great! Want to work? Fine! Want to do both? Hell yeah! The freedom of choice to work or stay home is actually still relatively new, compared to the long history of moms being moms completely full-time. As often happens when something “new” becomes normalized, there is a big push to advocate for that freedom. But sometimes, that process of advocating goes too far and even takes an opposite extreme of stigmatizing or attacking those who choose not to take that freedom. While women have the option to work full-time, not choosing to do so does not make a mother less than: whether that’s less intelligent, less motivated, or even less ambitious. You can be ambitious about your home, your family, and your kids, too! Not everyone needs a career to be fulfilled. 

As mothers, it’s important that we band together to support what we all share in common: intuition and the ability to know what’s right for us, our families, and our own unique situations.

Motherhood Assumption #4: Working Moms care less about their children, or aren’t “as good” as moms who stay home.

ALSO FALSE. As women in a modern society, we have the freedom to choose how we want to structure our lives and our households. If one mom personally feels that she can best serve her family in a career, then that’s her business! Is she any less a mom? Of course not. Finding a nanny, childcare provider, or even switching roles and having a stay-at-home-Dad are all great options that can work for many people. The beautiful thing about life is that it comes fully customizable.

What works for some people doesn’t work for others. It’s important not to compare yourself to other moms, but instead, find moms you look up to and who inspire you. Finding inspiration in the motherhood community, rather than comparison, is the healthiest way to feel connected to other women like you. 

Motherhood Assumption #5: Moms are all the same. 

And the biggest assumption of all is, that moms (and women and general) are all the same. Not all moms experience pregnancy the same way. Not all moms deliver their children the same way. Not all moms feed their children the same way. Not all moms play with, interact with, teach, discipline, and love their children in the same way. 

It’s these differences that are at the core of society as a whole. Our differences in mothering help grow the diverse landscape of humanity - filled with uniquely beautiful children who grow into uniquely capable and creative adults. In many ways, women shape the world from the ground up. We grow the future in our wombs, birth the future, name it, feed it, hold it. We love the future and keep it safe until it’s ready to blossom on it’s own, in it’s own time. When we coddle our children, we coddle the the world.

What other motherhood assumptions can you think of? Drop a comment below! Do you have a friend who’s ready to be a mom? Gift her our plant based recovery kit of products for postpartum? Check out our shop for all the goods!