What is Postpartum Psychosis
Postpartum Psychosis sounds like the scariest and worst thing that can happen to a new mom. It sounds so bad, in fact, that it MUST be incredibly rare, right? Maybe, maybe not.
Postpartum psychosis is a mental illness that occurs in women who have just given birth. Typically, it occurs within days or weeks of giving birth, but it can definitely happen later on, as well. While those with extreme cases are easier to detect, there is definitely a spectrum of severity when it comes to postpartum psychosis. So those with minor symptoms might be treated for PPD or PPA, and not officially diagnosed with psychosis. With the symptoms being so close, how do we tell the difference? Let’s take a look:
Postpartum Psychosis Symptoms
Some of the early warning signs and symptoms of postpartum psychosis are:
■ Excited, elated, or ‘high’.
■ Depressed, anxious, or confused.
■ Excessively irritable or changeable in mood.
Postpartum Psychosis includes one or more of the following:
■ Strange beliefs that could not be true (delusions).
■ Hearing, seeing, feeling or smelling things that are not there (hallucinations).
■ High mood with loss of touch with reality (mania).
■ Severe confusion.
These are also common symptoms:
■ Being more talkative, sociable, on the phone an excessive amount.
■ Having a very busy mind or racing thoughts.
■ Feeling very energetic and like ‘super-mum’ or agitated and restless.
■ Having trouble sleeping, or not feeling the need to sleep.
■ Behaving in a way that is out of character or out of control.
■ Feeling paranoid or suspicious of people’s motives.
■ Feeling that things are connected in special ways or that stories on the TV or radio have special personal meaning.
■ Feeling that the baby is connected to God or the Devil in some way.
If you have a history of mental illness, including anxiety, depression, or bipolar disorder, you are more susceptible to experiencing psychosis. If you are experiencing any of the symptoms above, talk to your doctor right away. Postpartum psychosis should be treated as an emergency. If you don’t have a history of mental illness, get checked out anyway! There should be NO shame or stigma associated with postpartum psychosis: it’s not a choice, not something you did wrong, and not something you can control. What you can control, though, is monitoring yourself and your “mental health baseline” to make note of any changes.
Are you usually energetic and hyperactive? If so, then it wouldn’t be a cause for concern. If that’s not typically your personality, make note of it. Tell your partner about your concerns so that they can keep an eye on it, too. Are you usually obsessive about cleaning? If not, a sudden interest in cleaning (especially in a drastic way) is something to look out for. Changes in personality, energy levels, etc. are a sign that something might be off.
Personal Stories
Reading about the clinical symptoms and descriptions of postpartum psychosis is one thing, but it can only get us so far. For this post, we’ve decided to include stories from real women and their experiences with postpartum psychosis. Because honestly, it looks different for everyone. We hope these stories will help create a more full picture of this condition, and erase any confusion or stigma surrounding it.
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“The first week passed and the anxiety I was feeling worsened to a really severe state. I didn't like looking at my baby and I shook with nerves all the time I was with him. I was very, very scared of him and I felt tormented. I thought that I didn't like him, love him or want to be near him. I would sit on the sofa staring into space, banging my feet on the floor as I was shaking so much, repeating things over and over again.
I started to become confused when I was getting dressed. I would stare at my leggings and not be quite sure what to do with them. I couldn’t watch TV - I had a panic attack when I saw about 10 seconds of a scene in Eastenders. The screen shot looked dark and for some reason upset me. I was again repeating phrases over and over, usually saying I had made a terrible mistake. I walked round the house like I was on death row. I was convinced that at any moment something catastrophic was going to happen.”
-Eve (via Action on Postpartum Psychosis)
In her story, Eve describes OCD symptoms, doing these repetitively, feeling confused, having panic attacks, and a feeling of impending doom. All of these are symptoms of postpartum psychosis that shouldn’t be ignored!
“I felt dead inside. At home the patterns on the curtains swirled as did the carpets. I couldn’t look at it too long it made me feel sick. There was a large dark shadow figure who stood in the corner of my bedroom, could it be the grim reaper... Night times were worst. Vivid nightmares which I couldn’t work out if I was awake or asleep. My son was decapitated, his limbs had been pulled off. Then I would look and he had his head, but I’d look closer and he had no eye balls, he had large pointed teeth like a wild animal. We were in the depths of hell.
I had to breast feed him with no eyes, just large black eye sockets. I would hear voices through the baby monitors. They were coming for me...they were watching and they knew... Knew what? I don’t know.
Darkness continued and people would come and go. I learned to hide it really well. My CPN at a later date said it was impossible to tell, we were always "well presented".”
-Rachel (via Action on Postpartum Psychosis)
Rachel describes intense hallucinations, both visual and auditory. These are some of the most obvious and telling signs of postpartum psychosis - as well as some of the most dangerous. While Rachel writes her story with clarity, remember that these stories are written AFTER recovery has begun. When you’re experiencing hallucinations, it’s hard to know what’s real and not real. This is why establishing your mental health baseline is going to be incredibly important when keeping track of your postpartum mental health.
Another thing to note about Rachel’s story is that her CPN admitted that Rachel showed zero signs of something being wrong. As humans, especially mothers, it’s so easy to fall into the mindset that we need to HIDE our struggles. This can’t be further from the truth. Mothers need to be raw, open, and honest in order to help both ourselves and others. Don’t hesitate to tell your medical professionals about ANY of your concerns, big or small. Your health, and your baby’s, may depend on it!
“I stopped breastfeeding rather abruptly, at around 3 months postpartum. I was overwhelmed and stressed and felt like everything I was eating was making my baby sick. I thought my milk was hurting him, so we switched to formula. In hindsight, I was already showing signs of confusion/loss of reality. When I stopped breastfeeding, my hormones went crazy and things got much worse. I didn’t want to look at my baby anymore. I cried non-stop. I felt like I was a terrible mother and that my family would be better off without me. I couldn’t produce milk to feed my son, so what was the point? I wanted to kill myself and make the pain go away. I remember feeling like I desperately needed to end it all, but I was also too afraid to do it. I started avoiding my baby because I was afraid I’d hurt him. I stopped eating altogether, and things got even worse. I felt trapped in my house, suffocated.
I had a terrible panic attack one night when both boys were asleep. I was on my knees telling my husband that I was dying. I literally told him “I’m so sorry, but I’m having a heart attack. I’m dying and you’re going to have to raise these boys on your own.” I went outside to get some fresh air and ended up having a bowel movement in the middle of our backyard. We laughed about it the next day, but it’s really not funny. I still have no explanation for that. This was only a few weeks ago, but I’m feeling much better. I made some drastic changes to take control of my health, including: setting alarms to remind myself to eat. Switching to a Whole30 diet and eating only “real”, un-processed foods. I started pumping again to minimize the effects of weaning too quickly. I cut back on my non-motherhood responsibilities in order to focus on my health and bonding with my baby. (This is a privilege, I know, but it has helped. The more I connect with my baby, the more connected I feel to myself and the world around me.)
This is honestly just a small glimpse into the things I experienced. I’m sure I’ll be able to write a more full picture once I’m fully recovered, but: I hope this helps even one CODDLE reader understand themselves and their triggers better.”
-Taylor, a CODDLE team member.
Have you or a loved one experienced postpartum psychosis? Are you showing signs as you read this? Don’t hesitate to reach out to us via email or DM on Instagram for support, more info, and tips on how to talk to your partner and/or doctor about your symptoms. We’re here for you, mama!