5 Ways to Support the Breastfeeding Mom in Your Life
Whether you’re a partner, sister, brother, coworker, parent, or friend - there are definitely ways you can support the breastfeeding mom in your life.
It’s no secret that breastfeeding is hard work. Moms often feel tied to their homes, their children, and may feel isolated or unable to live the same life they had before their breastfeeding. This can have a toll on the mother’s physical and mental health, so it’s important to create a support system to surround a breastfeeding mother - the same way she’s supporting her small child.
HOW CO-WORKERS CAN SUPPORT A BREASTFEEDING MOM IN THE OFFICE
If someone you work with has come back from maternity leave lugging a breast pump around, you’ll probably notice that things aren’t quite “business as usual” for this new mom -- and probably won’t be for a while. Depending on your company’s policies (and how breastfeeding-friendly they are) your breastfeeding co-worker may need varying levels of additional support from you. So, how can we support our breastfeeding coworkers?
1. Be patient
Yes, they may be taking a whole lot more (and longer) bathroom breaks than you or anyone else at work, but know that she’s working hard to be there at the office, handle the emotional strain of being away from her baby. Plus her body is still producing milk all day long! Your breastfeeding coworker has much more going on than meets the surface, so she deserves as many breaks as she needs to keep up. Also know that as of March 23rd, 2010 it is against the law to pump in the bathroom. If you see her heading for the bathroom with her pump — remind her! FYI, approach her nicely — don’t act like a know — it — all. New moms already have everyone telling them or giving them unsolicited advice, so you don’t want to come off that way.
2. Bring extra snacks
If you want to go above and beyond, bring snacks. Breastfeeding moms are often burning more calories than they can keep up with - and it might take a few weeks for them to figure out how much food to pack for the office! Have protein bars, crackers, etc. stashed away + make sure they know you’re prepared to help them whenever they get “hangry.”
3. Talk to them
It’s important to ask the mother directly what you can do to help - or what would be not helpful. All mothers are different. Some might want to come back to work full-speed ahead + might welcome a big pile of paperwork to distract them or keep them busy. Others might want a slow start to give them time to adjust. Discuss your coworker’s or employee’s needs with them, and you’ll be able to learn the best ways to help them.
HOW PARTNERS CAN SUPPORT BREASTFEEDING MOMS
Partners are often with breastfeeding mothers most of the time, so the ways in which they can help is especially important. Additionally, mothers might be less inclined to accept help from those they aren’t close with - and rely heavily on partners for outside support. So, if you’re a husband, wife, spouse, and your partner is breastfeeding - now is your chance to really shine for them. How can you help?
1. Ask THEM how you can help!
Depending on the mother and her personality, this can either be a huge bonus or a huge bust. Some women can very easily list ways that they would like support, and will welcome the chance to answer the question “how can I help?” For others, they might not feel as comfortable asking for help, or may not even know how to express what they need. Still, it’s important to ask. If there’s even the smallest chance you can help your partner with exactly what they need, without any guess work, you should take that chance. Plus, you open a dialogue of support, and your partner knows you are present, empathetic to their situation, and that you love them!
2. Bring her things
We’re not talking about diamond rings or shiny things - we’re talking about her cell phone, a book, a protein bar, a glass of water, etc. When mama sits down to breastfeed, it’s not always easy or convenient to get back up. A feeding session can last between 15 minutes to an hour - even longer if the baby falls asleep! So if mama accidentally sits down without her phone, something to read, or gets hungry or thirsty while sitting down - bring her whatever she needs. Every time. No questions asked. Check on her, too, and see if there’s anything you can do to make her more comfortable.
3. Look for ways to make things easier
Sometimes the best way to make things easier is to simply not make things harder. Look around the house for ways to help: dishes, laundry, vacuuming. Make sure her breastfeeding space, in particular, is free of clutter. Help create a peaceful environment for her to breastfeed calmly. Get chores done while she’s feeding or holding a baby, so she doesn’t feel like she needs to do it all.
HOW IN-LAWS CAN SUPPORT A BREASTFEEDING MOM
Being an in-law has its advantages, and disadvantages. Since you’re not exactly a parent, you might not be as close to the breastfeeding mom - and might not know the best ways in which to help. However, you are family, and you do want to help support the mom of your new grandchild! So how do you navigate this tricky situation with the right amount of support - without being “too much?”
1. Communicate
It’s probably best to keep your own child as the point-of-contact for when baby comes. The new mother may or may not want to be answering calls or texts during the postpartum period - she’s kind of busy! So if you’re looking for ways to help or wanting to schedule a time to visit, it might be best to talk to the partner (your child). Though direct communication is usually preferred, this saves the mom from feeling like she has to protect anyone’s feelings by saying “no.” Make sure, as in-laws, that you are respectful of the new mother’s space, needs, and desires. We all want what’s best for baby, and oftentimes, keeping the mother’s stress levels low is the best thing we can do!
2. Be open-minded
Not every family shares the same traditions when it comes to a new addition to the family. While you might feel that it’s important for everyone to see the baby right away, try not to be surprised or offended if the new mom (breastfeeding or not!) doesn’t want visitors right away - especially during COVID-19! Accept a supporting role + try to do what you can to help, even if that means staying away from the new family. Sending gift cards for grocery or good delivery, or even dropping off a homemade meal if you live close. Breastfeeding moms eat an extra 500 calories per day, so she’ll definitely appreciate food. Sending food support her while also respecting her boundaries.
3. Be respectful
If you are able to visit, be prepared and be respectful. You are entering the home of a new mom, who you already know will be breastfeeding. While some women may prefer to leave the room to feed, do not expect this from everyone, and make sure they know you’re comfortable if they breastfeed in front of you. Keep in mind, you are at their house, where your new grandbaby lives and sleeps and eats. Don’t make the breastfeeding mom feel guilty or uncomfortable in any way for feeding your grandchild. You want to be supportive, and letting the mother and child have their feeding experience without pressure is exactly what it means to be a supportive family member.
HOW FRIENDS CAN SUPPORT BREASTFEEDING MOMS
If you have a friend who is breastfeeding, there are definitely ways you can help support her. While you may feel (or think) that your friend’s spouse or partner is handling everything - you may be surprised! They may not be able to help as much as they want to, and perhaps they are working away from the house + can’t be with the breastfeeding mom most of the day. Or maybe they are at home, and might be struggling from new parent burnout, as well.
Never assume that someone else has “got it under control,” especially if you are close friends. Ask for ways in which you can help, or find your own ways to help and do it anyway. (It’s never a bad idea to send food!)
1. Visit them
A breastfeeding mom can often feel left out or isolated - and like she’s glued to the couch 24/7 keeping her baby fed. It’s very easy (and very common!) for new mothers to feel like they’ve lost friendships, or that their friendships will never be the same after motherhood. As her friend, you’re the only one who can help with those fears and keep them from being a reality. Being a non-mom friend to a new mother brings on a whole new level of responsibility, and the friendship will require a little extra effort on your part. The new mom isn’t as mobile and flexible as she used to be! Go see her! Bring snacks, drinks, watch TV with her, and keep the friendship nourished - just as she nourishes her new baby.
2. You Can Support the Breastfeeding Mom in Your Life - No Matter Who You Are
Regardless of your relation to the breastfeeding mom, there are always ways to help and be supportive. Many of the things we’ve listed and discussed so far are true no matter who you are. Ask how you can help. Make her feel safe. Bring her food. Be her friend. The breastfeeding mom in your life needs you!