Motherhood is freaking hard and we should be honest about it
Hello Everyone, a little late with this week's post. So while browsing through my list of writings to share I came upon article. And it rings true why we need to tell the truth about Motherhood and along with that the need to take care of ourselves. Its a paradox right, if its so hard how are we going to find time for ourselves. There is more than one way to 'take care of ourselves' and its definitely more than just manicures & pedicures . Read on for more ways..ENJOY!! This article was originally featured on USA Today on September 21, 2017. By Mom, Alia Dastagir.
I love my daughter. I don't always love being a mother.
I'm exhausted most days. The bulk of the games my 2-year-old demands I play are so boring I could cry. She's diminutive, but still puts me in a firm headlock when I try to leave her room each night. Getting her into the bath is practically a hostage negotiation. And that look she gives me when she dumps her dinner on the floor — what is that? I swear it's voodoo.
Loving Atika is visceral, chemical, exquisite. But raising her can be tedious and depleting. If we suggest being a mother means we must be joyful all, or even most, of the time, we do all mothers a disservice. Motherhood is remarkably difficult. Acknowledging that and taking care of our mental health is as important as taking care of our babies
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- Working moms feel stressed, rushed and short on time with both their kids and their friends, a 2015 Pew Research Center study found.
- 42% of stay-at-home moms say they are struggling, and low-income stay-at-home moms struggle the most, according to a 2012 Gallup poll.
- 1 in 9 women experiences Postpartum depression (PPD), according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
- An estimated 1 in 10 children experience a depressed mother in any given year, according to a 2011 study in the Journal of Women's Health. Black and Hispanic mothers who are depressed are less likely to receive services than white depressed mothers.
Mental health won't look the same for every mom, especially if there's a clinical diagnosis. I didn't have PPD nor am I suffering from depression, but I do struggle with anxiety. (I'm not taking medication, but if I felt I needed it, I would.) Here are three ways I try to keep myself mentally healthy:
If I'm not fine, I don't pretend to be: Recognize it's OK to talk candidly about the hard stuff. The guilt. I have guilt right now, writing a column that will live in perpetuity which my daughter may one day read and misunderstand. I feel guilty for missing the life I had before she was born. I feel guilty for missing the moments of levity between me and her dad that are so much less frequent since she arrived.
I've got my spirit mamas: It doesn't have to be a tribe, but you do need people in your life you can be vulnerable with. Mom friends. An online community. A therapist. If you're raising your kid(s) with a partner, lean on him or her. The more you talk, the more you realize you're not alone.
I try to keep perspective: On days when it feels like you're failing at everything (you missed a deadline, the toddler ate Werther's Originals for dinner), remember that even when you're down on yourself, your kids likely aren't down on you. Unconditional love goes both ways.
Moms deal with a lot — and not just in the realm of discovering poop in peculiar places. We struggle with everything from poor parental leave policies to motherhood penalties at work to stigmas around breastfeeding. To survive in this world, and to have the energy to better it for our kids, we need to care for ourselves.
I might not always love being a mother, but I love myself. There's no better way to show it than by prioritizing my mental health.
Happy Friday and most importantly - Don't Forget You.